Like the ugly girl at the beginning of the movie...
If I could video tape each day of my life and play it back at the conclusion of each day, I'd probably submit most of them to America's Funniest Home Videos (if it's still on). There are days like today especially, when everything feels like a practical joke, like if you paused one moment while it happend and could say, "This is the part of my life where I..." and fill in the blank, you'd feel sorry for me and then laugh histerically. Don't get me wrong, life is good. It's just funny. The following are a few examples of stupid things that I have done over the last three days:
1) Went to my cousin's birthday at the roller 'rena-though some cute guy was holding out his hand for me during the couple's skate, when I realized after the fact his girlfriend was skating behind me
2) Wore a thin flouncey skirt and had a Marylin Monroe moment-in the church parking lot
3) Slipped and fell on our new kitchen hardwood floor really hard-so hard the neighbor kid (who was at our house) asked if the fridge fell over
4) Turned up the speaker on my cell phone (accidentally) in the library so when my friend called and asked if I was still going tanning, everyone knew exactly what my afternoon plans were
5) Made a huge deal about how I had all my projects done, and then being publically reminded by the teacher about the paper I still had due for him
6) Shredding my nylons after tripping on my Barbie heels-in center court
7) Breaking my shoe on the way to the Welcome Center to pick up the paper-which wasn't there
8) Reaching with the tongs for a sandwhich while not paying attention-and thus accidentally picking up the sandwhich off of someone elses plate
9) Hitting my head on the pole underneath my bunk so loudly it woke my roomate up
10) Sitting down on a wheely chair in the library-while the chair wheeled right out from under me
Well, there's just 10 of the classic video clips of the past few days-I can only imagine what the rest of this week will bring...
Blip...
"Not all who wander are aimless."
I love going. It doesn't matter where or how, whether it be running, walking, driving, it's the journey that fascinates me. If I could, I'd become a flight attendant just to enjoy the trip. I hate just "getting there." With the fast pace of college, I rarely get to enjoy my little adventures. It wasn't until this last week that I realized I go on these little journey's everyday. Yes, my life does have purpose, and I do set out to accomplish a few key things every day. Yet, I don't really know where I'm going to end up every day. I don't know where I'll end up tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. It used to bother me. I wanted a plan. Now, I've come to love the journey, the spontaneity. I find joy in knowing that I don't know, and I'm OK with that. Set goals, just enjoy achieving them.
Will Someone Wake Me Up Before I Drool on the Desk?!
It's the most wonderful time of the year here at Maranatha. The sun is shining, we can finally see the grass, and we don't need to run the broken boiler! How amazing. Yet with the warm weather comes an unwelcome friend called final exams. Now, for some fortunate people, these are the last few tests of their college career, yeah for you. For the rest of us, finals are an unfriendly reminder of 1) how far we still have to go, 2) how much this can harm our grade, and 3) how much caffeine we are about to consume. Yup. It's at this point in the semseter that I start my Starbucks fund, and start stocking up on caffeine pills and beverages, and fun retarded things to bust out when it's quarter after 3 in the morning and I could use a good laugh. Usually, this stack includes comics that are totally not funny during the day, student class pictures from the C-Net, which always inspire giggles, and this year, the new Maranatha emblem. Or should I say the old emblem. I don't know, I can't tell the difference.
Perhaps the worst thing about this time of year is the lack of sleep. Unfortunately, I've reached the point in the semester where I could accomplish more outside of class than I could inside, so I've learned to compromise. Since I have so many projects and papers, and quite frankly, it's too difficult to work on my projects in class (carrying all those books, laptop, Ipod, etc.) I've decided to do something revolutionary. I sleep in class. It's a great compromise. Now, I can effectively maximize my time at night, and not be tired all day. Sleeping in class and between classes is not too difficult. In fact, if you wear a long coat and a zip sweater, you can hang the long coat over the front of the desk in in the library, and you can lay underneath it, using the sweater for a pillow. Anywho, good luck on what's to come, and frozen hot chocolate with a double shot of espresso typically does the wake up trick...
Finally Spring
A good book is like a good friend. I agree with that statement. In fact, I'd even go so far to say a bad book is like a good friend, if it's clever enough. The bad thing about letting books become your friends is that, try as you might, it's impossible to get feed back from them. That's what I've discovered over the last three weeks. Genius, I know. Over these last days I've been fighting against so many obstacles, it's been near impossible to concentrate or accomplish anything. And, instead of running to people for advice or help, or better yet, running to God for advice and help, I ran to myself and of couse, my books. You see, I was searching for answers from objects that couldn't help, relying on myself for answers that I could not possibly come up with on my own. I thought I had my life planned out, and now, not only did I discover how far off I was, I discovered a new plan entirely.
I messed up. I over committed myself without thinking. Well, to be honest, I thought that everything would just land in my lap without struggle, and that ultimately, what I wanted to do was going to happen. I was going to make it happen. Note to self, I'm not in control. It's not like I wanted to do anything bad, or necessarily unfruitful, I just wanted to do it my way. I wanted to go to law school, I wanted to work at camp, I wanted the job, I wanted the car, money, etc. So I did whatever I could to get it, without caring about who I hurt or what I had to force others to sacrifice to get it. Selfish to the core, I laid my steps before me. Oh, it looked like solid ground, it looked like it was just the path I should take. The great image of Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade flashes before me, "Junior, in Hebrew, Jehovah begins with an I!". Then, Indiana takes that fateful step, on what looks like sturdy ground and falls through. That's the best picture of my last few months.
Yet, God is merciful. God forgives. He comes behind us with a broom and dustpan, or in my case a whole street sweeper, and takes care of the damage control. Short story-I'm called to teach or write, not practice law. I'm supposed to go home, even though it's hard, and work, not go to camp and run from my problems. I'm supposed to run to God with everything, and place my life through His filter.
I learned a lesson. I got burned. I messed up. But I didn't blow it. I didn't ruin God's perfect plan for me. I'm just taking my second chance. I'm no longer going to live this "half-life," I'm going to commit, to whatever God has for me. I'm going to go, to the ends of the earth if necessary to find out where I'm supposed to be, or what I'm supposed to be doing. Praise God, the winter is finally over in my life. Here comes the spring.
Like the stuff that the pond scum feeds on...
- Samuel Crothers
Ever blown it? Royally messed up. A big failure. Not just a grade either, but a colossal mess-up? Welcome to my life. I failed. Big time. This is probably the biggest failure of my life. You know, what? I don't like this feeling. I hate it actually. But I messed up. I disappointed a whole slew of people, like a pebble in the pond, it just keeps rippling. I went back on my word and my promises, and now I'm reaping the consequences. No, I'm not going to get kicked out, I'm not going to jail, I just hurt people. I feel like an idiot. And it just keeps getting better...
The Happy Thought for Today
I just wanted to take a moment and say that I adore Casablanca and that is why this is the only thing I could think of during my US II test. So as I turned in what is sure to be my worst grade of the semester, all I can say is, "Here's lookin at you, kid."
Save the Drama for your Mama
"Life comes at you fast. If you don't slow down and look around every once and awhile, you might miss it."
-Ferris Bueller
Today was the fastest day of my entire life. Well,
OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, but not such a far stretch. All I know for sure is, if it keeps going like this, just shoot me (metaphorically speaking) before it's over.
The idiots were also running the asylum today. I'm all about being friendly and coming to
each other's needs, but in some cases, people are just ridiculous. Take for example work in the Library, not a bad gig if you're quiet, subdued, and patient. Today, like most days, I laced all of the above. Someone expected me to simply
dismiss a $10 fine because they chose to take a week of cuts after Spring Break. My response to that, be a big kid and take care of it before you leave. (yes, unfortunately that is what I said, not one of my more
steller moments, I agree). She in turn had a
hissy fit, yes that's the only term to
accurately describe what happened, and demanded that I excuse her irresponsibility. Now, for those of you who are not well acquainted with me, I'll let you in on a little secret. The way to get places with me is not, I repeat, not to act like a small child. I would much rather you produce a 12-14 point document stating your case and referring to at least two philosophers. That's just me. Needless to say, the individual walked away $10 poorer than when she came in.
Another thing that bothers me and should change, is customer service in the Brown County Human
Resource Center. Two years ago, I applied for an internship program. Now, for those of you who know nothing about county politics, I'll let you in on yet another little secret, country jobs serve as stepping stones to get you into the legal world. Considering that until two weeks ago that was my life plan, it made sense to apply for this job.
Unfortunately, no one there can effectively service the public. All I wanted was to set up an interview, of which the contacted me to set up, at a time appropriate for my schedule. Instead, the only available time slot they could give me was Thursday at 11:30, or I could as it was so eloquently put, "revisit my priorities." Amazing, for the first time in my life, school was not placed on the list of priorities. Amazing. So, I hereby vow, and desperately hope I can fulfill, to not only arrive at this interview in smashing fashion, but to nail the interview with all that is in me. For to me to miss class, is to most certainly land this $13.75 an hour job.
Thank you dear reader, for allowing me to vent...
