hangenout with liz

Finally Spring

A good book is like a good friend. I agree with that statement. In fact, I'd even go so far to say a bad book is like a good friend, if it's clever enough. The bad thing about letting books become your friends is that, try as you might, it's impossible to get feed back from them. That's what I've discovered over the last three weeks. Genius, I know. Over these last days I've been fighting against so many obstacles, it's been near impossible to concentrate or accomplish anything. And, instead of running to people for advice or help, or better yet, running to God for advice and help, I ran to myself and of couse, my books. You see, I was searching for answers from objects that couldn't help, relying on myself for answers that I could not possibly come up with on my own. I thought I had my life planned out, and now, not only did I discover how far off I was, I discovered a new plan entirely.

I messed up. I over committed myself without thinking. Well, to be honest, I thought that everything would just land in my lap without struggle, and that ultimately, what I wanted to do was going to happen. I was going to make it happen. Note to self, I'm not in control. It's not like I wanted to do anything bad, or necessarily unfruitful, I just wanted to do it my way. I wanted to go to law school, I wanted to work at camp, I wanted the job, I wanted the car, money, etc. So I did whatever I could to get it, without caring about who I hurt or what I had to force others to sacrifice to get it. Selfish to the core, I laid my steps before me. Oh, it looked like solid ground, it looked like it was just the path I should take. The great image of Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade flashes before me, "Junior, in Hebrew, Jehovah begins with an I!". Then, Indiana takes that fateful step, on what looks like sturdy ground and falls through. That's the best picture of my last few months.

Yet, God is merciful. God forgives. He comes behind us with a broom and dustpan, or in my case a whole street sweeper, and takes care of the damage control. Short story-I'm called to teach or write, not practice law. I'm supposed to go home, even though it's hard, and work, not go to camp and run from my problems. I'm supposed to run to God with everything, and place my life through His filter.
I learned a lesson. I got burned. I messed up. But I didn't blow it. I didn't ruin God's perfect plan for me. I'm just taking my second chance. I'm no longer going to live this "half-life," I'm going to commit, to whatever God has for me. I'm going to go, to the ends of the earth if necessary to find out where I'm supposed to be, or what I'm supposed to be doing. Praise God, the winter is finally over in my life. Here comes the spring.

posted by Liz @ 2:05 PM